They don't call it middle-aged for nothing. We are the Sandwich Generation. That's a term coined by syndicated columnist and recognized elder care expert, Carol Abaya. We're sandwiched between our parents and our kids, and usually, they both need us for very different reasons.
For most of us, our own lives have become pretty stable. But the competing needs of two generations are pulling us in opposite directions. The kids may be "on their own." But when they hit financial disasters, it's probably the bank of Mom and Dad they turn to. Then again, if you're a younger Boomer, your kids may still be at home. When they were little, our kids needed our support both physically and financially. As they mature, they no longer need physical support, but the financial needs are still there, sometimes stronger than ever.
On the other side, our parents probably don't need our money. But increasingly, they need our physical support. If you're married, you might even be taking care of two sets of parents. It might be as simple as driving Dad to the doctor now and then and doing some heavy lifting for Mom, or eventually, they may need to live with you. Different Sandwiches for Different Folks Different circumstances make for different varieties of sandwich, but at both ends, there are those who need us. On her Web site (below) Abaya lists the various types of sandwiches that describe Baby Boomers.
Traditional: those with aging parents on one end, and their own children who need help on the other.
Club sandwich: those who are 50 or 60 somethings, sandwiched between adult children and grandchildren, and aging parents, or people in their 30s and 40s with children of their own, aging parents and grandparents.
Open face sandwich: anyone involved in family elder care.
If you let it, being the go-to person (or couple) for so many people can be exhausting and financially devastating. But you can keep from being squeezed if you keep things in perspective and set some guidelines for yourself.
Here's what experts advise if you have kids to put through college:
If you weren't able to save enough to pay for your kids' education, don't compensate by draining your retirement fund to do it. Try instead for student loans and scholarships. No bank will make a loan for your retirement needs, but they will loan for education. Get the kids involved so they become part of the solution. In the end, they'll grow more responsible and appreciate their college years more.
Taking Over the Parental Role With your parents, there may be a day when you have to gently take the leadership role while still nurturing them. They may want to guard their financial information, but there's a good chance they will need your help to manage their money. Just go about it with finesse. After all, they were your leaders from day one of your life. Now they are switching roles with you, and that can't be easy.
Make sure your parents have vital legal documents in order, a will, a living will, a power of attorney for medical decisions and another for financial affairs.
And long before it becomes necessary, decide along with your spouse where your parents (and your spouse's parents) will live if and when they can no longer live alone. If finances are tight, find out what community resources are available to help, such as senior centers and adult daycare centers which may accept Medicare, and reduced utility programs.
Visit this Web site for information about help with caregiving:
You've had one “prime of life”. Now, as an active Boomer, you’re ready for your “Second Prime!” Be part of our testing phase and share your ideas with us. Click here to take our Survey.
Newest Groups
Life Skills - Living Life Optimistically(Open) (12/07/07)
