Did you ever notice that there are some things that just don’t matter any more? Things seem to lose their places: important things, trivial things, ceremonial things, traditional things. (This, by the way, is a little different than when things like reading glasses and lists lose their places.) I am speaking of priorities that change. And the attitudes and behaviors that follow those changes.
I see it in people who are having those milestone birthdays. You know, the ones with the zeros in them.
There is a freedom that comes with zeros, but I think that with different people, that freedom arrives with different zeros. There’s a newly minted forty year old who recently stopped allowing her aging father to verbally abuse her and the soon-to-be seventy year old who no longer colors her hair. And speaking of hair, there’s a sixty year old who’s letting his hair grow long for the first time in decades. Other indicators might include the eighty-year-old who is finally unselfconscious enough to sing outside of the shower and the ninety year old who says whatever comes in to his mind.
All of us are aging. But the zeros bring awareness…. Awareness that kindness is more important than politeness... that doing is more important than wanting.... and that the moment that matters most is this one.
All of a sudden, it doesn’t much matter what anyone else wants for us. The fact that life spans are limited forces us to make decisions, to answer the question ‘Who am I and what do I really want to do with my time?’
Security becomes less important than honesty.... and not telling someone that we love them looms as a far greater risk than if we do. What would you do if you knew that you only had six months to live? Where would you go? Who would you talk to? What would you say?
Whether we have six months or another sixty years, maybe we should listen to the zeros.
Lawrence Bienemann is a program coordinator for RSVP in Vermont's Northeast Kingdom. He also speaks and writes about issues related to aging well and can be reached via e-mail
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Comments (1) >>
If only written by kessie2u on April 20, 2007
When young, I existed on the other end of the 'live your life as you think others expect you to,' to now living in the extreme opposite end having arrived here while evolving through the inbetween.
I've long believed we should be born old and while attaining wisdom, grow young.
What I enjoy most, is watching my younger son experience the same dynamic. Things/situations he used to respond to with "Oh, mom!" (as in - Mom, you're embarrassing me), he has now incorporated into his own belief system.
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