Over the years you may have built up resentments and hostility towards others and the pain, anger and even hatred has festered, causing physical and emotional distress. Perhaps you were hurt so badly that the memories are too difficult to review or the situation is beyond anything you could repair. Is it possible to gather up the courage and commitment to give yourself a special gift and that is to begin the process of forgiveness?
Over the years you may have built up resentments and hostility towards others and the pain, anger and even hatred has festered, causing physical and emotional distress. Perhaps you were hurt so badly that the memories are too difficult to review or the situation is beyond anything you could repair. Is it possible to gather up the courage and commitment to give yourself a special gift and that is to begin the process of forgiveness? Forgiveness is something you do for your well-being, not for others. It is a gift you give to yourself, a gift that helps you make peace with your past and brings harmony to your present.
Why should you forgive? Because the benefits outweigh the effort. A person who is able to forgive is free to love others, as well as him/herself. Forgiveness does not mean you forget. It means you settle the inner turmoil by letting go of the destructive thoughts that harbor inside and cause you distress and discomfort. To forgive means you take back control of your life and dissolve the dismal cloud that follows you wherever you go.
Ask yourself the following questions to gain some personal insight: 1. Are you worth more than the unsettling feelings you harbor? 2. How much effort are you willing to put into freeing yourself of this burden? 3. Can you take 100% responsibility for choosing to feel the way you do? 4. Is joy and happiness a possibility for you?
It takes maturity, some understanding and a belief that this “test” may be your greatest personal challenge. But, when you unlock those thoughts that kept you captive and in pain, you become renewed and liberated and can move on without the emotional baggage.
It’s an amazing feeling to forgive and a worthwhile lesson to learn. Because you do it for your emotional as well as your physical welfare, you become the victor, no longer persecuted by unpleasant memories from the past.
Amy Sherman, LHMC, is a licensed mental health counselor in private practice. Visit www.bummedoutboomer.com for further information and sign up for her free e-newsletter. She can be reached at 561) 281-2975 or by email at
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Comments (4) >>
As The Holy Spirit Directs written by onesent1 on April 11, 2007
You hear alot of forgive your enemies, do good to them, that was me I had read the love chapter 1corithians 13 and was determined to do just that, as usual just when I thought I had it down pat sure enough God shows me still something new. I was downtown in my city and I ran into someone I disliked very much,yet I greeted them as a friend and gave them a hug. I walked away feeling awful. I felt deceitful. I felt like like a hyprocite. So I spoke to the Lord about why I felt so bad . It has to do with the letter. Just doing what ya read, that's what I did and the letter kills the bible says. The Lord reminded me of another passage in Ecc.there is a time to love and a time to hate.My dislike of that person was right,warming up to an enemy with out The Lord telling you to could get ya hurt. If He by the spirit moves to forgive then go with it, but it's not always that way.
Finding Peace written by kessie2u on April 19, 2007
In the past few years, I've attempted to forgive those who were supposed to love me but treated me with abusive neglect instead. After many years of this kind of interaction while young, What I've come to accept is that our cells have memory and even our intellect can't redirect who we become - entirely. My life is what it is - because of my experiences. I am what I was exposed to and can't be what I've never experienced. I don't know how. Intellectually, I've learned I don't need to react emotionally but I know in my heart my life could have been very, very different and for this, I still hold resentment. I hold resentment because we all make choices - even not making a choice - is a choice and my life is the direct result of my parent's choices and all the ensuing events.
What I am able to do, is deliberately select those persons and situations that are positive for me and avoid those that are not. Unfortunately, this includes most of my family members. However, that's the way it has to be - there is no forgiveness because there's no acceptance of responsibility - only excuses. Most important, I've forgiven and love myself. I now live in peace and it has nothing to do with forgiving others - just accepting and making choices based on 'what is,' because everyone else is also doing the best they can - resulting from and limited to - their own teachings.
Feel the Love written by queenmum on February 02, 2008
I,too, have found God to be the key to forgiveness. When it finally sank in
that I HAD to forgive to be forgiven I really started working on it. I realized that the people that I've forgiven don't have to agree. It's a
deep-in-the-heart feeling between me and my Maker. I'm beginning to get very
small, very real glimpses of an inner peace. IT'S HARD because I believe
human beings have a built-in enjoymentof holding grudges.
on Forgiveness written by John Board on May 05, 2008
hard to be balanced. I use Bach Rescue remedy when I need to forgive or be forgiven. It helps me balance and stay calm and deal honestly and quietly with the moment no matter how upset I am.
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